I'm aware that I look like a bridge troll in this photo, but all things considered, I still want to share it:
For Halloween, I was "attacked by a 6-foot-tall elderly white man who became enraged when he saw my Obama bumper sticker (or pin, depending on when you ask me)".
Paul went as "man with sweater and beard" and then took off the beard. Boooooo! And not the scary kind.
The next night, we went to another party and Paul went as Casual Iron Man-- he made a harness out of duct tape and designed a tap light for under his shirt. It was my turn for the lamest costume EVER-- Adam Sandler's Crazy Newspaper Unicorn Man. It also involved a duct tape harness, and avoiding low ceilings for the majority of the night.
Also, bison cheeseburgers happened, and I got to make guacamole two days in a row. It was a really good weekend and d;lfwqohsdofhsa;ljnfasljnfasjdfnsakdjfnsa;kjfnasdkfja.
1. I held a nearly full pint of cider right-side-up. 2. I held an empty pint glass upside down.
It has been reliably reported by three people, none of whom are me, that there was no transition between actions 1 and 2; that is to say, I didn't drop the glass, or spin it around, or drink it really fast and turn it upside down.
"My thought process was, 'there's Laura drinking cider--where did the cider go?--hey, my pants are wet!'"
Hello friends! This weekend in my sketch grad show, I will mime being "sandwiched" (3 dicks, not 2) in front of my boyfriend's Catholic parents!
AAAAAAAK!
Speaking of "AAAAAAK," not to take away from my problem, which is quite dire and entirely my own fault... but I was kind of sad watching Andy Samberg playing Cathy from "Cathy" on Weekend Update.
In the 1970s, "Cathy" was a feminist breakthrough. A career woman-protagonist was still a rare thing, and to deal frankly with now-mundane topics like premarital intimacy, weight struggles, remaining child-free and the ensuing frustration when your friends have children, in a daily comic strip, was a big deal! In the 70s and probably through the 80s, the strip was revolutionary. Cathy Guisewite was part of a big, bold change and was creating a strip about things that mattered.
Yeah, it's incredibly stupid now. But I'm sad that it's been reduced to what it's become, that Andy Samberg in a wig screeching "MY MOTHER DRIVES ME CRAZY! SWEAT DROP! SWEAT DROP!" is how most people see a comic strip that once did something great for women.
Edit: The Cathy Wikipedia entry is hilarious, and includes a breakdown of "The Four Basic Guilt Groups," as well as a list of anthologies released over the years:
1980: What Do You Mean, I Still Don't Have Equal Rights??! 2000: Shoes: Chocolate For The Feet
These are some movies that I recently assumed were all directed by Charlie Kaufman.
Right? Because when you find a cover image that works-- a middle-aged dude on his side, unexpectedly juxtaposed with a plot point, say-- you apply it with a generous hand to all your subsequent movies. Right? That's what the really successful directors do. Right? Because that's the director's job, designing the poster. I think Charlie Kaufman made a good choice in avoiding Comic Sans.
Yesterday afternoon I went to get my broken molar pulled. "An extraction! My favorite!" cried the wizened Latina hygienist, before cackling maniacally. We were off to a great start.
Dr. Cho came in and plonked down a syringe straight out of Tim Burton's brain. "Uhhhh, don't look at that," he told me, immediately allaying my visible terror.
Four shots of Novacaine later, he got to work on pulling and I got to work on crying. Quietly, but copiously. It fucking hurt, and I am a total pussy in the tooth arena. Plus, it felt like he was going to break my jaw.
In all fairness, my jaw was probably nowhere near the breaking point, and I bet it's natural to feel pain--even numbed-up--when a 5-pound pair of pliers is ripping out a bone that evolution spent millions of years crafting for you.
But I can't know for sure, because my gloopy piles of crocodile tears proved too much for poor Dr. Cho. "You want to go to sleep, I'll give you a referral," he mumbled, practically knocking his tray of tiny instruments to the floor in his haste to get away from me and my no-doubt-period-inspired display of emotion.
So now I have to make an appointment with an oral surgeon, and I'll have to miss yet more work, and I've got this partially-pulled molar sitting in the back of my jaw and throbbing until at least some time next week.
Because Dr. Cho, DDS, was apparently missed the class entitled A Lot of People Freak Out At The Dentist And Sending Them Away Is Not An Acceptable Solution at DeVry House o' Dentistry.
In a 5-4 vote, the court said the Louisiana law allowing the death penalty to be imposed in such cases violates the Constitution's ban on cruel and unusual punishment.
"The death penalty is not a proportional punishment for the rape of a child," Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote in his majority opinion. His four liberal colleagues joined him, while the four more conservative justices dissented.
"The death penalty is not a proportional punishment for the rape of a child."
There is no reason for anyone to know this, but if you do, help me out because it's driving me LOCO!
There was some TV show about 15 years ago where this girl was responding to fan letters for this old lady, who was an actress or an author or something. The old lady told the girl, "When you're done writing it, bang the gong."
So first the girl wrote this letter like "Dear Ms. Jenkins, Thank you for writing to me. I appreciate your kind words. Sincerely, Stella Riptide." And she banged the gong and the old lady came out and read it, and said, "Oh, too cold. MUCH too cold."
The girl wrote two more letters and on the third one she started it "Dear sweetie pie.." and got it JUST RIGHT.
11:36 Dude. This guy who rents from my company just moved from STEARNS st to DANIEL rd.
11:39 Was he BUSHWHACKED during the move?
11:40 No, but his family was, so he had to move into his new HOME ALONE
11:47 Well I'd imagine that living in boston, and living HOME ALONE TOO, he must have a lot of red sox and CELTIC PRIDE
11:50 I don't know- I can see him BREAKING AWAY from tradition and getting totally LOST IN NEW YORK sports teams
12:03 It makes you WONDER-YEARS of tradition broken like that?
That day, we realized something. That we could send snarky text messages all we wanted, but it wouldn't change the fact that at least someone was discussing Daniel Stearns' career again.
I'd say that I have 22 cents in my checking account but I don't want to go counting my chickens before I check my balance.
If I end up overdrawn again, it will be because of this shirt:
I regret nothing. I've wanted it for two years and it's going out of print.
I had an interview at Whole Foods yesterday. I think it went well. I'll know tomorrow. All my money goes toward trying to eat healthy so it would be great to have a discount.
I'll be posting more about this as it approaches, but I want to start bugging people now.
Paul and I have a 50-minute slot at Improv Boston's Sketch Haus. FRIDAY, MAY 30. 7:30pm. $10 general admission, $7 students and seniors.
If you are reading this, and you can make it out to Boston, I would love, love, love to see you there. If you know me at all, you have an idea of how much this means to me and how excited I am.
MORE IMPORTANTLY, it will be a really funny and entertaining show and worth your money.
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